West Ham United have reached the stage now where everything that happens appears to be set up by the universe as a cruel joke at their expense.
For example, just a couple of days before Taty Castellanos and Pablo Felipe made Premier League debuts in the heartbreaking 2-1 loss to Nottingham Forest, another of the strikers on the Hammers winter wishlist grabbed himself a maiden senior hat-trick.
In the gleaming white shirt of Real Madrid, no less.
Can you GUESS the three missing players from the list of West Ham hat-trick scorers? ⚽⚽⚽
Who stunned Arsenal in 2016? And who ended an eight-year wait for a Prem treble?
In the space of 82 minutes, Gonzalo Garcia scored more goals than Castellanos had managed during the entire first half of the Serie A season with Lazio.
For West Ham United, whose survival hopes now feel like the about-to-twang handle on an overly-heavy shopping bag, how they could do with a performance like this one from their two January additions.
Gonzalo Garcia hits Real Madrid hat-trick after West Ham United talks
Hammers News were told back in November that West Ham had held talks with Real Madrid regarding potential mid-season moves for both Endrick and Gonzalo Garcia.
Endrick, the Brazilian wonderkid hoping to be more Vinicius Jr than Luis Guilherme, eventually joined French outfit Lyon on loan.
As for Garcia, having forced his way above Endrick in Xabi Alonso’s pecking order with a flurry of goals in the Club World Cup, that Betis treble felt like a coming-of-age performance from a striker who might just be the hottest prospect to emerge from Los Blancos’ academy since a certain Raul Gonzalez.
A quickfire quiz to liven up your Thursday afternoon; who was the last West Ham player to score a hat-trick in the Premier League?
Unsurprisingly, Jarrod Bowen is the answer, against Brentford two years ago next month.
Garcia was the first to hit a La Liga treble for Real Madrid meanwhile since, erm, Kylian Mbappe only seven months ago.
And what a treble it was. A clever backpost header for his first, a stunning touch and volley for his second, and an impudent back heel to cap off a performance Raul himself would have been proud of.
On this evidence, it starts to make more sense why West Ham were willing to bet the farm – and their Premier League status – on a 21-year-old who hadn’t even started a La Liga match before Alonso returned to the Santiago Bernabeu.
“Evidently, Gonzalo has had the game of his dreams,” Alonso, Real Madrid midfield maestro turned head coach, told reporters after that 5-1 blitzing of Manuel Pellegrini’s Betis. “Playing at the Bernabeu, scoring a hat-trick in your first season in the first-team…
“I’m delighted for him. He works so hard and has an impressive attitude, when he’s playing and when he doesn’t, and he’s a great example of the club’s youth academy. I congratulate him and encourage him to carry on like this.”
Taty Castellanos dreaming of FA Cup strike as Xabi Alonso hails Garcia impact
The West Ham fans ‘will love’ Taty Castellanos work-ethic, former England midfielder Lee Hendrie predicted when watching the striker charge down the Forest backline on Tuesday night. Castellanos will bring ‘incredible energy’ to the claret and blue cause, both on and off the pitch.
This is something Spain Under-21 poacher Garcia has in abundance too. West Ham, it can be presumed, liked him not only for his impressive array of finishing, but also his ability to press from the front.
Sunday’s FA Cup clash against Queens Park Rangers, Nuno will hope, should provide a good chance for Castellanos and/or Pablo Felipe to open their accounts for their new clubs.
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A chance for an up-and-coming keeper? A full debut for Kante, perhaps?
“These days, football makes you work as a team,” Alonso added, focusing on the lesser-spotted moments of Garcia’s Man of the Match display. “Especially as a striker.
“You have to press high, you have to drop deep to stop their pivot, and Gonzalo does that very well. He’s good at accelerating and pressing. And he scores goals, which is important, but if you add the defensive contribution, you help the team’s balance to be a lot better.”
“I said it back then; when he was training with us, you could see that his greatest strength as a striker was his nose for goal,” explains Joselu, the former Madrid frontman speaking to Diario AS.
“What I like most about him is his love for Real Madrid. At the end of the day, he’s a player who feels the colours, and that shows in every game he plays. He gives his all for the badge.
“Ultimately, to succeed at Real Madrid, apart from having footballing qualities, you have to feel it. And I think Gonzalo is a guy who, from the moment I saw him working with us, showed flashes of brilliance in training.
“I’m not surprised at all [by his hat-trick]. I’m very happy for everything he’s achieving and for his success at the club.”
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